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Grand Theft Auto Haiku Community

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GTA4: driving through the subway [13 Oct 2009|12:40am]

Subway station's stairs
can accommodate a car.
Let's drive on the tracks!

Road bridges are blocked,
but not the subway level!
Illegal crossing.

Police pursuit starts,
can't escape blinking circle.
Cops stay above ground.

Finding the bridge back
is non-trivial down there.
Find an outbound switch.

Back into the light,
helicopters and sirens
threaten quick arrest.

Despite the six stars,
after crossing back over,
they give up the chase.
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Another game with a satisfying antisocial theme [03 Nov 2005|01:54pm]

[ mood | burned out ]

The squeal of rubber,
Crunching metal, breaking glass.
Burnout 3: Takedown.

Semis with flatbeds,
street cars, fuel trucks and box vans.
Smashy smashy! Boom!

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[17 Jul 2005|03:33pm]

Hi. I'm new and this place is brilliant. Immature, but brilliant. Here are my humble offerings (GTA: SA based, naturally):

"Is this game racist?"
No one knows and no one cares.
Time to cap a bitch.


CJ is driving.
Where'd he learn to drive like that?
Oh, he's from L.A.


Stuck on a mission
When I want the awesome shit
You-all talk about.
1 comment|post comment

Hot Coffee? [15 Jul 2005|12:51am]

[ mood | annoyed ]

Clinton wants inquiry into 'Grand Theft' sex

Hillary Clinton
Complains about "hot coffee".
Think of the children!

Rates "strong sexual content".
Now, even stronger!

Does she really think
Rockstar would slip sex in there,
needing just a patch?

Yes, there's an engine.
Yes, it's very flexible.
Do what, block all mods?

Tweaking console games
Sounds boring and difficult.
I'm much too lazy.

Kids play GTA
for the bitchin' violence.
Sex? Secondary.

Edited to add: Wil Wheaton's simple and elegant take

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Jet Pack! [20 May 2005|12:58am]

[ mood | airborn ]

Walking on water;
I'm outrunning police boats!
It's jet pack surfing.

Hey, it's the Forth Bridge!
I wait on the crosswise struts.
Why can't I see trains?

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Los Santos International [13 May 2005|12:38am]

[ mood | teary-eyed with mirth ]

Airport vehicles!
Plane tugs! Baggage carriers!
Can't stop the laughter.

Tugs are delightful
Absurd turning radius.
Doughnuts on tarmac.

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First taste of San Andreas [12 Apr 2005|12:35am]

Captures sprawl almost too well.
Totally L.A.

Need a parachute?
Fly over the skyscraper,
Abandon Dodo.

Parachute to roof.
Sniper rifle in my hands.
How can I get down?
1 comment|post comment

Lawsuits [17 Feb 2005|01:25pm]

[ mood | incredulous ]

Grand Theft Auto firm faces 'murder training' lawsuit

Teenager with gun
Kills three police personnel.
Lawsuit for Take Two.

"It's murder training!"
cries anti-game crusader.
R1 and circle?

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Vice City Public Service Missions [10 Feb 2005|11:51pm]

[ mood | altruistic ]

Extinguishing flames.
En route to fire near the mall.
Oops! Drowned in the truck.

Burning idiots.
Why do they flee the cool spray?
Hold still for the hose!

Douse their burning car,
Riders exit so calmly.
Delayed combustion.

Missiles, machine gun.
Making criminals go boom.
Hunter plus R3.

Flying after crooks,
I must not let them escape!
A lofty pursuit.

2 comments|post comment

Vice City Hidden Package Acquisition [10 Feb 2005|01:27am]

[ mood | tired ]

A helicopter
can greatly facilitate
Dave's completeness quest.

Land on the airport!
Put it down right in the dip.
Not level! Tip! Boom!

Surveillance flying:
Could that be a dirt bike track?
Goofy, lame sub-game.

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Denise: A Retropsective [02 Jan 2005|12:26am]

[ mood | reflective ]

From burning building
Straight into my loving arms.
Chocolate skin not singed.

Dancing, Drinking, Eats
My lady likes the nightlife!
She even caps fools!

Yet again she calls
Cell phone ringing hurts my ears
Trick, you phone too much!

Fucking- finally!
Took her home, she gave it up
Need a cig, or spliff.

Went back to my crib
What's this in the wardrobe here?
A fly suit! Thanks, Bitch!

On one final date.
Surprise! I exit the car

Now she breathes no more.
Fun while it lasted, and yet
Me, miss her? FUCK NAW.

1 comment|post comment

The Crane [30 Dec 2004|11:57am]

Construction Yard Crane
Dropped Upon Dumb Copper's Heads!
Satisfying Squish.
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GTA 3: Staunton Rampages [15 Dec 2004|01:22am]

Molotov cocktails
Sail brightly through clear night sky.
Sixteen burning Yaks.

Shotgunning eight cars?
Block off the intersection.
Ah, much easier!

Let's find some fodder . . .
Landstalker's only purpose:
A large obstruction.

When sniping Yardies,
Shoulders are insufficient.
Head shots only, please!
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GTA3, during a taxi session [08 Dec 2004|07:37pm]

I approach a fare.
Careening Banshee hits her!
She stands and gets in.
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Cop ignores a tank. [05 Dec 2004|11:22pm]

Two stars: cop follows.
Back at my base: pick up bribes.
Cop drops his pursuit.

Garage door opens:
my tank becomes visible.
Cop not objecting.

Some things are hard to capture in seventeen syllables. The police car followed ddmerillat down the tunnel into the underground garage save point on Staunton. When Dave ran over the bribes, the cop dropped the pursuit instantly, even though he was in the tunnel with us. Hilarious.
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Ah, Vice City [04 Dec 2004|11:51pm]

Vice City's neon
Pink and green parking garage.
So very garish.

Cash in my wallet.
A bit under the weather.
Scan the beach for hos.
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popped a cap. [26 Nov 2004|12:13am]

[ mood | hyper ]

Got an ugly suit.
That's all you are good for, bitch.
Now I will kill you.

RIP Denise, the bestest and worstest ghetto bitch a guy could have.

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gta love [25 Nov 2004|11:16am]

[ mood | amused ]

Denise fell in love.
The bitch bought me a pimp suit.
Now I can dump her.

1 comment|post comment

ddmerillat gets a tank [23 Nov 2004|03:31pm]

ddmerillat has declined to join the community, but he offers the following:

Six stars, hard to live
The army swarms like bees, but...
Now I have a tank
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:D [22 Nov 2004|11:43pm]

[ mood | :D ]

Two player with matt:
killed twenty pedestrians
in just two minutes.

I was the hooker;
had a tiny bikini
and black underwear.

Matt was a big hick
I made him kiss my gangster.
What a fruity slut.

Two minute moto.
I flew many feet from it.
I didn't die though.

Only three small stars!
Why can't we make it to four?
How can we get more?

Take me to next trick
she says, and gets in the car.
Six hundred dollars.

1 comment|post comment

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